Shy- the life of a lab rat

Well, there are about 20 minutes left before I leave this job and my Science career for good (well, maybe, who knows I might be back!). And I am pretty nervous about entering the unknown. If I believed in God I would probably pray that I could be good/competent at my new job. Damn it, here comes Life! I hope I'm ready for what I've gotten myself into.

I dreamt that I was pregnant and being kept captive by someone and I was trying to escape. Eventually I managed to escape from the building and to get rid of my bonds and the guy who was chasing me was in a pond and accidentally jabbed himself with the syringe that was supposed to be used to knock me out. So, I flew down (I often have the ability to float/fly in dreams where I'm being chased) into the pond to try and drown him (via a leather belt around his neck - which had been used to bind my feet I think), but he woke up and started choking me back.

Freaky, freaky dreams....I hope I don't sound too warped and violent.
Also, they say that dreaming that you're pregnant or have a child represents having an idea. I wonder if it's the same for men - do they ever dream they're pregnant?

Well, Bree seems to be happy on the farm so that's good. Although I miss her a lot. I have been frantically trying to find a place to move to - I'm taking the uzi approach to rental applications. It's practically become a bidding/auction war - I am doubting that I'll even find a place at the moment. This is my last week at work - eek!
The Dmies was a wonderful night and eveyone had made a glam-up effort. I won an award - d12 - for the best one-off adventure. Went to Danica's 21st on Saturday night and had a fabulous time with lots of fabulous friends.
Had a nightmare that Shaun told me that he'd never loved me, had been having a affair while we were together and that I'd been a horrible/pathetic/clingy girlfriend. Dream-me was really upset and ran home - to my large stone house on a cold hill, where I couldn't seem to get the lights to turn on, so I was sitting alone and scared in the dark. Then, I think my Dad arrived and told me that what he'd said wasn't true (maybe the lights came on then), and I think I started to feel angry at Shaun. Anyway, I woke up feeling horrible and depressed.

Well, life has gotten crazy busy. I am flying my puppy Bree home to live with my Dad - so I will be away from Saturday to Wednesday. She'll be happy there, with other dogs to play with and a dam to swim in (well, when it rains anyway). I have just moved labs and am still getting used to it - and there is pressure to get results for an overdue grant application. Luckily the primers that I designed work brill - thank F*. I am trying to find a place to rent - hopefully with an ex-flatmate of mine (Seema) and possibly a friend of a friend too. And I start my new job on the 5th.
Tightening screws - and I'm off....

I feel confused and tortured at the moment. Some of my beliefs have collapsed around me, to my despair. Life with my flatmates is getting difficult because of dog issues....maybe I should move, maybe I should get rid of my dog....this makes me unhappy. And I'm still not certain that I'm doing the right thing by changing jobs. It's like I threw a dozen eggs in the air and now I have to catch them all before they hit the ground and smash.

I recently discovered that someone I know (who is in a stable relationship) occasionally has 3somes with an extra female. It's not something I would ever have expected from this person. Perhaps it's something that a lot of people are doing and I just don't know about it. I feel quite naive - I am quite naive.

Well, after much searching (not by me but by others) I have found my Fett (refer to my Supanova entry). Unfortunately, not only does he have a girlfriend but he also likes muscle cars, refers to women as chicks/sheilas and to himself in the third person. I have been betrayed again - stupid lust. On the happier side, I had a guy offer to make me some custom Fett armour when I do find the perfect guy to put in it.

My Mum and her partner (Howard) came to visit - which was fabulous. I took them for a walk up Mt Ainslie and to the Wood Gallery at Bungedore and we cooked a curry together at my place (from a recipe book my Mum gave me for Christmas - they liked it so much, they bought one for themselves as well). I think I am going to host a curry night at my place, so that I can try out a few more of the recipes.

I am still feeling very tired - one day I'll get more sleep.

Well Christmas was good but low-key- I spent it at my place watching Dr Who and Firefly. My former flatmate came and stayed with me for couple of days too which was nice. I spent New Years with Andrew at his friends place - his friend DJ'ed and there were funky visuals. I danced a bit and had fun.
Spent last night with Emma, Chris and Gavin watching movies. We saw DOA - which was actually much better than I thought it would be.
Now I am back at work and very tired. Can I go home?
I think for the last couple of months I have had this feeling that something big was about to happen. Maybe it's just the new job - but I think that it's actually something more - maybe a shift in my personality, or some life-altering event which is about to take place (or has already occurred and I haven't quite let the reality of it sink in yet). I have been very confused lately and have realised that I don't really know myself very well at all. I hope that I make sense soon and that I like who I am becoming.

My flatmates and I exchanged Christmas gifts last night - I scored some hand cream, a necklace, and George Orwells' Animal Farm and 1984, as well as a humorous book on how to tell if you're a geek or not.

James came over and we watched V again - I love that movie - "a revolution without dancing, is a revolution not worth having".

I just received a phone call to tell me that I have been offerred the second job that I applied for at the Dept of Health and Ageing. Yeah! When I went there I got a really good feel about the place - I hope I'm going to be happy with my decision.

Had James and Naryan over for dinner last night and then we went to see The Prestige. I enjoyed it, despite poor sound quality. James has been very snarky recently - poor James. I understand - I kinda wigged out when Shaun called me for my birthday - and all I had to do was listen to a phone message. You just don't realise how broken you really are.

Well, it was a big weekend. Friday night I went to Toast with James and Narayan - they had cancelled the Retro night and were playing Rasta music instead but I enjoyed myself anyway. Met up with Kate, Alex, Ed and Stu which was nice. Oh, and I wore a flashing Santa on my hip that my Mum gave me for Christams.

Saturday I met up with Andrew for coffee and a chat, then I went to a Werewolf character creation session. I have decided my character will be a Death artist/ Dominatrix/ Nurse - with a slant on harmony and honouring the duel desire to care and to kill. Then it was off to dinner with some work people (my sticky date pud and caramel sauce went down well, despite being a little burnt).

Sunday was a day of rest - thankfully. But I did take myself off to see Eragon - it was like a cross between LOTR and the Dragon series by Anne McCaffrey only not as good as either. Still I enjoyed it as mindless entertainment.

I went swing dancing last night - it is about my 8th lesson now. Last night was the first night I have danced with a man and I got to dance with two of them (and I enjoyed it! which I didn't think that I would). How did this happen? Well, bizarrely there were actually more men/leads than women/follows at the class last night - this has never occurred before (must be a pre-Christams thing). So when I was left without a partner they paired me with a guy (forgetting that I was a lead). Luckily the guy was an experienced dancer and had a bit of xp in following. Later, when I rotated to the next lass, they noticed that there were two guys together and realised their mistake, and the female teacher started dancing with the spare lead. Then at the end of the class they put on a couple of songs for people to social dance to - I usually sit this out. But last night the guy who sells the tickets approached me and asked me to dance - I think I giggled more than danced because I felt so stupid - but I managed to be his lead for about half a song, and it was fun!.

Sunday was my Boofday. I walked up the Stairs of Doom (Mt Taylor) with James, Chris, Kate and Jono, and then went for 2nd breakfast at Essen (as all good hobbits do). James got me the 3rd season of Northern Exposure, Chris gave me the Best of She-Ra, my Dad got me a lovely scarf from Melbourne, Kate and Lauren gave me shirts/blouses and my Mum gave me some cute heels that she'd seen me try on when I was up in Brissie. My brother and Shaun called me to wish me a happy birthday. And Mark took me to dinner at the Taj Agra. It was a good day.

Monday was an awesome and exciting day where I finally recognised something that my life was lacking. This week I have decided to shake my life up and to do things that I wouldn't normally do or just do things that make me happy and not worry so much about the consequences - Bravery is my middle name!

Got back from my morning walk to find that someone had put a hefty rock on top of my car. Luckily there are only a few minor scratches it seems and no other damage. Unfortunately at the place I live I can't bring my car inside the gates. Given the last car I had was broken into and almost stolen (except they were too incompetent), I am getting a bit worried about my new car. Also, I'm thinking that seeing as my (new) job and my dance classes are all on the other side of town, maybe I should move? The only problem is finding a place that will let me have a dog. Also, I'm pretty lucky with the flatmates I have at the moment, as they are both really nice. Another decision I guess.

I have been feeling a bit depressed for the last couple of days although I think that it is passing now, so that's good.

Yesterday I got an email to say that I have been accepted into the Dept of Health and Ageing graduate program. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet - it still needs to sink in. I saw my boss today but I didn't tell him about the second job offer - he is very keen to keep me and I feel very guilty for thinking about leaving. I guess I have a big decision to make about the course my life will take.....mental breakdown is soon to occur.

In Ars Magica - my mage did not get Marched (i.e. killed), but was fined two rooks of vis (very expensive) and was asked to become a Quaesitor in the Order of Hermes (like a detective) - but hopefully serving as a Quaesitor will help her to earn some vis to pay her fine.

Lots has happened - here's a list:
- I had a work xp kid to look after at work and show around the lab - she was really nice but unfortunately I was having teething problems with swapping over our gel staining system (and they seem to be continuing this week) so things were very frustrating.
- On Friday I had an interview, followed by an short test. I hope I get the job, but I don't think that I will.
- Saturday was my Slash Party. I went as Dawn from the comic book. Lots of nice people came (Chris, Gavin, Emma, James, Narayan, Steve, Mark, Martin, Alex/Alexandria/Wonder woman, Kate, Lauren, Evan - probably I have forgotten someone?). Emma made an awesome cake that looked like a pyramid with sacrificial chicko babies and blood. And I scored "The best of She-Ra". Kate taught us the Charleston and James did some bellydancing with a coin belt.
- Sunday I hung out with James and watched Spaced
- Late Sunday night I woke up around 11 with intense abdominal pain, a bit feverish, faint and pins and needles in my limbs. I managed to crawl into the lounge room and awaken my flatmate Kate. She is the awesome-est and within about 10 minutes had me in the car and took me to hospital. There they gave me this strange red anaesthetic that you drink, called "pink lady". After a few hours the pain went away and Kate took me home. I had Monday off work as I was feeling very tired and a little tender.
- Peter is down from Sydney, so we are having two Ars Magica games this week. On Wednesday we will have the Tribunal game - where my magus may be Marched, that is killed, by the other members of the Order for interfering with mundanes. Let's hope she can argue a good defense and that I don't botch my Intrigue or Code of Hermes rolls.

Coming up soon:
- On Wednesday this week will be my lab groups christmas party and Friday is the School's xmas party
- Saturday is meetup
- Sunday is my birthday and quarter life crisis day

Well, the weekend involved walking up Mt Ainslie, child-minding Catarina (the first time I've ever been responsible for a child in my life - it wasn't too scary, so I think I did okay) and going out with the gals to see Little Miss Sunshine (the gals= Kate and Lauren (flatmates) and a couple of Lauren's friends). The movie was pretty funny and very cute/touching - I enjoyed it.

Last night, my Ars Magica game was canceled so I stayed home and made hummus and watched a movie called Producing Adults - which was an interesting/humorous Swedish film about what can happen when a woman in a relationship wants to have a child and her man doesn't - apparently she becomes a lesbian. I wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - but unfortunately they were all out, again. I think I'll have to wait a couple of weeks. Never mind, I've waited for months already.

I sent out invitations to my Non-specified Slash (/) Party today - hopefully it will be fun. I'm not sure what I will wear yet - maybe I'll just slash some clothing and dribble some red paint over it. What kind of fanfic slash could I pull off? I'd love to do Vampire Willow (but the costume would be hot)- but then I'd need someone else to be my femslash partner. Are there any characters that have white wings? (as I have some and being able to wear them would be good). Any suggestions for what I should come as???

Last night I dreamed that I was flying a largish shuttle and shooting infantry and other spaceships in an attempt to defend my home. My Dad and brother were back at the base, but I was alone in my shuttle and frightened that I would be shot down and killed, but I wasn't.

Well, my big boss (not my mostly-absent boss) who I've only spoken to a couple of times, came down to my office today to tell me that my job is secure for the next two years, regardless of whether my boss gets funding for me or not from the school. Although depending on who's paying me, I might have to work for the new researcher from Oxford instead of my current boss (she also does mouse developmental biology). My big boss has money from some source it seems.
Now, I'm all confused - I had kind of decided that if I didn't get into the graduate program then I would go back to QLD, rather than stick around here to work in science. I'm not sure what to do now - I will wait and see if I am offered the grad position or not, then worry about whether to keep the job I have or go for a science job in QLD instead.

Wobbling tonight - I have missed two weeks due to holidays and illness. You'd better wobble good belly! *glares at belly*

Well, I had a phone interview yesterday - bizarrely it was for a job in Canberra. I didn't do very well - I always say the wrong thing and get really nervous - I need to practice more. Anyway, they sounded at least happy with my academic record, so maybe that will get me in. I was getting very stressed about it and am feeling much better now.
Cynthia graded in bellydancing yesterday - I had to be one of the judges. She danced at Saffron in Manuka. She did beautifully and passed.

Well, I'm back. Seeing my family was great - but now I just miss them more and I wish I wasn't at work. I have the post-holiday blues. The good stuff: My brother bought a car - Congratulations to him! I got to see all of my family and I got to see my friend Yaz. I watched the whole second season of Dr Who - now I just need to see the first season. The bad stuff: I got sick almost as soon as I got there, which limited me to only seeing one friend as I wasn't feeling in the mood to organise anything else. The awesome news: Kitty is coming on Saturday! She's going to visit me on her way back to Brisbane from Tasmania. Hurray!

Well, I am off to QLD until next Thursday - my flight leaves tonight. I can't wait to see all my family! Hugs to everyone.